Friday, January 28, 2011

Mash-Ups/My Life

I am currently obsessed with mash-ups right now. I love me some mash-up. And tonight as I drove to Mississippi after my basketball game I was thinking that my life is pretty mashed up right now. Not a bad thing, but more a transition thing.

I finish my commitment to Teach for America in a few short months. And the next two months are sure to blow by with the end of basketball season, and my state exam in 5.5 weeks. After that... comes the mash up. I was reflecting tonight as I drove and listened to music (and looked for deer/cop-aroos) thinking that it is going to be beyond difficult to walk away from my students at the end of the year. There are so many that I am afraid will not apply for college next year or apply the knowledge we have learned regarding the ACT. There are so many that I am afraid may not even graduate college unless "exceptions" (which is the norm at my school) are made for them. I am nervous.

I feel torn between a responsibility to the kids and a desire to fulfill my happiness level that has been significantly lower the last two years. I am reminded of my high school rugby coach immediately. He always says "I am waiting for _____ to graduate before I move on to a different job." But every year that is usually some protege freshman or sophomore that happened to join rugby. I remember he said it about one of my classmates (and captain her senior year) but as she was on her way out, he immediately latched onto a newby, locking him in for another solid four years. Would this be me at Clarendon? This ultimately may be the reason I do walk away at the end of this year. For fear that if I don't do it now, how will I ever justify it a different year?

But, my current junior basketball players (a group of fantastic young ladies) have really had an impact on me, and I am sincerely concerned that they will not reach their top potential of a college unless someone (like me or my 2nd year roommate) pushes them.

Another iffy reason on my pros and cons list for leaving the Delta.

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