Breathing

I feel pretty drained. I was thinking today about what it would be like to have a job that is 9-5. I strongly believe it would not be as emotionally draining as this experience is and will continue to be for the next few months. Not that it's not great to feel drained at the end of the day, like you gave what you had to give. It does feel great, but not today - when it was a TEST DAY and I still felt tired! Those are supposed to be the most relaxing of days.

It's a different kind of tired then I have ever felt. I think it would truly be difficult for anyone to really understand unless they have done this program. On top of the transition into a classroom (I use transition loosely, since there really wasn't any transition-just plop! you're here!) there is this new culture, new attitude, new place that you have to understand. And then, there's the 1,000 things you really should be doing (ie not this blog entry) that is always too long, and not going to end. This is an emotional drain, on a daily basis, that comes from the people you see and the students you fight for each day.

What's also interesting is the ease at which some people have decided to check out for the second semester. In a two year commitment, there is a temptation to be done with it after the first year and a half...especially if you know you're not coming back. With the lack of accountability in the school, no follow through on any discipline that is handed out, and the lack of motivation across the board - there is an easy route to laziness and irresponsibility. To fight that is good, and I hope I am, but man it can be tempting. I am glad I am still considering coming back next year, because that fact alone makes me commit to the kids and to my job a little bit more.