Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Test Time

What a different feeling from last year. Full of anticipation, nerves, lack of understanding, stress, and niaevity - I was nuts. In the moment I thought I was "doing it for the kids" when other people weren't, often getting stressed about how it seemed like everyone else was molasses. Now, I can see a different side. If anything, the above listed emotions induced more stress on everyone involved; the counselor, the literacy coach, the Principal, and maybe even the students.

Now, I feel a different feeling. I feel like maybe there is a storm around my corner. I admit, I am a significantly better teacher than last year. That, however, does not translate into me thinking I am a good teacher. Better does not mean I have reached that level. So yes, I was more organized. And yes, I feel like they've gotten better and more consistent feedback. But, I also think they maybe don't have the intensity I gave students last year. I wanted it bad. They knew it. If they didn't want it for themselves, or for the school, some of them wanted it for me. Now, I don't know if I have instilled that drive this year.

I actually enjoy my kids more this year. I play around with them more, I push them more, all that stuff. But, I tried hard for this review to be simple, organized, and straightforward. Because of its ease (in an organization sense) the kids did well on completion and mastery. But, were they invested? I don't know. Maybe I should have done more in that regard.

Again, this is probably just all stress coming out in the last minute panic. At least this year my panic has been subdued until one week before the test, instead of the four week train wreck last year. Either way, say a pray, say a Hail Mary, cross your fingers. Something. Thanks.

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