Wednesday, April 6, 2011


Man I just had the worst feelings of homesickness. As I wrap up my second year I know I have grown considerably as a professional and personally. But sometimes, I would mind the regression to college, high school, any time. I also had such a strong network of support, love, understanding, and shared values in those settings. Sometimes I have these moments, like today and yesterday, where I realize I still don't necessarily feel that I have that web around me now, two years after moving to the Delta.

It's not really the "delta" per say. I have grown to appreciate my environment, my school, my outlets. But there's something missing, and that's been true for the entire experience in Arkansas. We played a game a few weeks ago where we named characteristics of our zodiac sign (don't even question) and one of mine was escapist. I found it surprisingly easy to say yes, I am an escapist. Now, after thinking about this term for awhile I don't wholeheartedly agree. Sometimes I attribute this perceived "escapism" as really me just trying to find something or somewhere comfortable. For instance, in college if I wasn't getting stuff done, I drove to Lake Calhoun and sat at Whole Foods or some other coffee shop that was my flavor of the month. Here, in the Delta, it's a similar reaction. I have a bad week... I go to the place I am comfortable - usually a friend's house in Mississippi.

I feel like I get some flack for that amongst a few people. But, in the end, if that's what stabilizes my weeks or recharges me for the next challenge, I don't really mind getting flack or feeling judgement. Now, my next step, with confidence must be to not judge others for how they "escape." Whether that's through local fun or traveling, through isolation or socializing, complaining or reflecting, etc. - I have to recognize that these are all different types of coping methods.

Writing this out has made me less panicked and homesick. Sometimes I just need to organize my thoughts. I have people all around me that are stellar. I need to focus on those qualities and embrace that part of my interactions, and then I won't be homesick because I will be too busy celebrating successes.

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